Chch-changes

Today I thought I'd write about how different things are for me as a result of the stroke Now, I know some of my therapistsread this, so please feel free to correct any misinformation I put out there, iIt think the biggest difference I notice the most everyday is my focus and attention. I essentially now have the attention span of a sugared up  five year old boy, the tiniest little thing can distract me from whatever
I am doing That is why this blog is such a good  exeexercise for me, It takes a lot of focus for me to type one of these bad boys up and to re check for spelling an punctuation errors, I can only hope keeping this blog up is improving my cognition, I am usually exhausted by the time I am done writing and rechecking, but I feel like I've accomplished something great when I am done

Decisions, Decisions

this morning, as I tried to convince myself to get out of bed, something that is becoming increasingly difficut these days.I realized I had a decision to make, I can either face this challenge for what it is, a challenge, or I can sit around feeling sorry for myself, picturing myself as a victim, making myself and everyone around me miserable.  I think my choicee boiled down to the choice given in The Shawshank Rdemption, get busy livin' or get busy dyin'. Guess which one I choose? Igot my butt up, held Charlotte and did my exercises for the day

Surprise me!

Ihave a monthly subscription to Fitness magazine, I know, i know, it's silly and every time it comes, Irealize how ridiculous these types of magazines are, but I flip through regardless, this time I flipped straight to the"I Did It!" section, the part of the magazine where readers talk about how they lost weight on their own,  I like this part because from time to time it can be inspiring, this time a woman was talking about how she got through tough workouts she said she was always trying to surprise herself, so whenever she got to something she thought she couldnt' do she would try to surprise herself by accomplishing it, this my new motto now, just recently I started working on doing the stairs in my house by utilizing my weak left leg, just to get it going, this is a daunting task as I do not trust that leg to carry my weight at allSo as Istand at the top of the stairs I dare myself to surprise me, and once I'm down safely, Iam always pleasantly surprised.

Acceptance

 aAs my husband drove me home from an esspecially productive session onf therapies, speech, occupational and physical, a.peaceful feeling washed over me as Istared out of the car window at the peaceful winter sceneryIthought to myself, "Thi isn't so bad, my life, the way it is. Istill get to see the sun and crunch through the snow and hold my daughter",IfeelikeI'm on the verge of a breakthroughin my recovery proces, Ithought to myself that Ican eventuall regain al of my independence if Ikeep going down the road I'm onWhen we got homere got home Iread my batch of cards from TheFeministBreeder readers for the day, something that has ilifted my spirits immesely. One letter, touched me deeply, the woman who wrote it wrote about acceptance, and using the energy I've een pouring intobeing upset to work on getting better I now feel at peace with what is happening,Iaccept it as what the universe wants for me and maybe I'll learn a valuable lesson when it's over, Ifeel relief for the first time today, thankyou, Rosa, for the kind words, you can't know ho w much they have helped me today!

Success!

After about an hour of crying my husband laid Charlotte on the bed, next to me I let her take my finger inher firm grip, this seems to calm her down, and began snging A very off key version of "Candle On the water" from Pete's Dragon : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQmBfI2uXJo, A song my mom used to sing to me And she fell asleep!Ifeltlike Ihad won some kind of award!Myfirst official MommyAct.When nshe woke up she stared staight into my eyes,it almost seemed like she was staring straight into me, seeing every fiber of my being, every weakness,ever yfear and knowing meIt mgical, moments like these make it all worth it!