Over the course of this journey I'm on,two people have emerged, both have wildly different personalities, their own set of quirks, flaws and beautiful imperfections. I have been forced to look deep into the eyes of each of these women and try to get to the bottom of them, to learn who they are, to love them for all of their imperfections, flaws,and quirks.
At the begining of all of this "Old Liz" was a constant presence
Now that I've been so far removed from Old Liz for so long, twenty months, to be exact,I've had some time to think over her actions, incredibly bad decisions and hurtful actions in the past, so she's taken on a slightly different hue to me now; Instead of glorifying her, I find myself demonizing her..
Honestly.
Iwas an incredibly selfish, self-serving person, I really only cared about what I wanted to do right at that moment and not about who it would hurt or how it would affect me in the future, trust me, I'm not saying the stroke was some kind of karmic retribution for bad behavior, I'm waaaay past that, I was the most important person . Always.
Then, suddenly this other person showed up, Liz 2.0, now. it took me awhile to get used to this slower, more mellow version of myself, but we've been spending more time together lately and, I gotta say, she's really starting to grow on me!The stroke certainly took a lot from me, but it's given me a whole hell of a lot, it's turned me into this better, gentler version of myself. I am a better mother as Liz 2.0 than Old Liz would have been, more present, more patient, more willing to spend time with Charlotte doing what she needs to do. So, I am happy to say after months and months of chasing a ghost, trying to regain my old self, what I'm trying to say is that....well...I'm kinda glad I didn't. I like me the way I am now. And that's all I have to say about that.
