Avery wise woman said this to me:"You can ask the Universe for what you want, you just don't get to decide how you get it." Ain't that the God's honest truth, when all of this began I just wanted a baby, that clock everyone kept talking about was ticking very loudly and insistently, so I asked Matt how he felt sabout me gong off my pills, he shrugged and said it was up to me, so I did. Well, I got what I wanted, just not in the way I thought. At the beginning of my recovery I was pissed, more pissed than I've ever been in my life, I had this beautiful new baby that I couldn' take care of, I didn't get to have that picture of me, happy with my new baby on my chest, I dudn't get to breastfeed the way I wanted to.
In fact, the early part of my recovery was more about what was taken from me than getting better so I could reclaim what I felt like I was missing, but lately I'm realizing that I have a whole hell of a lot. I can now take care of that baby, at the beginning of my recovery I never would have thought that I'd be as involved as I am now and every time she slams her slobbery lips onto mine for a kiss, I remember that there was a chance that I could have missed that and I'm not so angry.
And there are pictures of her on my chest, I found a treasre trove of photos taken of her burth on my laptop one day, si I get to see her putple little brand new body and Matt as he propped her up onto my bre chest after I got out of brain surgery, they aren't the eautiful, hasppy pictures that they usually are, but I am comforted that we had that bonding moment, even though I wasn't aware of it at the time, but I am now.
What's the point, Liz? You may ask.
Well, thinga aren't always as bad as they seem and even if it seems like you don't have muvh, you may have more than you think.
No comments:
Post a Comment