Liz Vs. Liz

I've been pretty introspective lately, this is my post about that:

Over the course of this journey I'm on,two people have emerged, both have wildly different personalities, their own set of quirks, flaws and beautiful imperfections. I have been forced to look deep into the eyes of each of these women and try to get to the bottom of them, to learn who they are, to love them for all of their imperfections, flaws,and quirks.

At the begining of all of this "Old Liz" was a constant presence

a ghost that haunted me, a standard I could no longer meet, for a long time, I glorified her, this wildly intelligent, fast-talker and walker, that person I couldn't remember how to be. Remembering how to be Old Liz is like trying to remember what it was like to be 13, yeah...impossible.

Now that I've been so far removed from Old Liz for so long, twenty months, to be exact,I've had some time to think over her actions, incredibly bad decisions and hurtful actions in the past, so she's taken on a slightly different hue to me now; Instead of glorifying her, I find myself demonizing her..

Honestly.

Iwas an incredibly selfish, self-serving person, I really only cared about what I wanted to do right at that moment and not about who it would hurt or how it would affect me in the future, trust me, I'm not saying the stroke was some kind of karmic retribution for bad behavior, I'm waaaay past that, I was the most important person . Always.

Then, suddenly this other person showed up, Liz 2.0, now. it took me awhile to get used to this slower, more mellow version of myself, but we've been spending more time together lately and, I gotta say, she's really starting to grow on me!The stroke certainly took a lot from me, but it's given me a whole hell of a lot, it's turned me into this better, gentler version of myself. I am a better mother as Liz 2.0 than Old Liz would have been, more present, more patient, more willing to spend time with Charlotte doing what she needs to do. So, I am happy to say after months and months of chasing a ghost, trying to regain my old self, what I'm trying to say is that....well...I'm kinda glad I didn't. I like me the way I am now. And that's all I have to say about that.

couting your blssings

Avery wise woman said this to me:"You can ask the Universe for what you want, you just don't get to decide how you get it." Ain't that the God's honest truth, when all of this began I just wanted a baby, that clock everyone kept talking about was ticking very loudly and insistently, so I asked Matt how he felt sabout me gong off my pills, he shrugged and said it was up to me, so I did. Well, I got what I wanted, just not in the way I thought. At the beginning of my recovery I was pissed, more pissed than I've ever been in my life, I had this beautiful new baby that I couldn' take care of, I didn't get to have that picture of me, happy with my new baby on my chest, I dudn't get to breastfeed the way I wanted to.

In fact, the early part of my recovery was more about what was taken from me than getting better so I could reclaim what I felt like I was missing, but lately I'm realizing that I have a whole hell of a lot. I can now take care of that baby, at the beginning of my recovery I never would have thought that I'd be as involved as I am now and every time she slams her slobbery lips onto mine for a kiss, I remember that there was a chance that I could have missed that and I'm not so angry.

And there are pictures of her on my chest, I found a treasre trove of photos taken of her burth on my laptop one day, si I get to see her putple little brand new body and Matt as he propped her up onto my bre chest after I got out of brain surgery, they aren't the eautiful, hasppy pictures that they usually are, but I am comforted that we had that bonding moment, even though I wasn't aware of it at the time, but I am now.

What's the point, Liz? You may ask.

Well, thinga aren't always as bad as they seem and even if it seems like you don't have muvh, you may have more than you think.

Takin' a Chance

Many many years ago, in what now seems like a different life, when I was living in New Haven, CT I  coiuld be found in one of the many dance clubs that litter downtown New Haven on any night of the week. You see, I was obsessed with (had a giant crush on) a local breakdancer that would dance in the clubs on occasion, so I'd go out every night of the week, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

As a result of this stalker-ish behavior I became quite adept at dancing to all of this club music I hadn't been exposed to up til then, House, Drum & Bass and , of course, hip-Hop. I fell in love with dancing right next to the giant speakers, letting the deep bass beats sink into my soul and allowing my body to do what it would.

Eventually I met the break dancing boy, we hit it off and dated for three years, in those three years we went out dancing at least twice a week and I spent most of my time watching, thinking or talking about dancing. I fell in love with dance in those three years, the artistry of it, the physical act of it, the training and technique it takes to be a good dancer, no matter your form. When my relationship with break dancing boy came crashing down around me, so did my time on the dance floor, the last time I spent anytime seriously dancing was at my wedding, four years ago. Obviously the stroke has made dancing a bit more complicated, so I haven't even attemped it, just talked about taking ballet classes once my ankle and toes wake up again.

So, when one ofmy friends started teaching an afro dance class, Itold myself that I would go once I was better. Well, something snapped inside me last week and I said to myself, "You are better and fully capable tof giving it a shot, so do it!"

And so it was that I nervously walked into clas tonight. I was afraid, afraid that my body wouldn't respond, that I would be awkward and terrible to watch, afraid that I would embarrass myself, or, worse, hurt myself. But my friend greeted me with open arms and spirit, happy that I was there, and so I stood next to her in front of the class, bare and exposed with my uncoordinated and unweildy left leg and unresponsive Larry. I listened to the music, wtched myself in the mirror as I tried like hell to keep up, it felt so good to move my body around in a different way than I sm accustomed to, to challenge my body. When we got to a more complex set of steps, I really started to struggle, it takes so long for messages to get down to my leg that switching up instructions, just confused all of my body parts, but I pushed through, convinced that I would get it at some point and believing that wotking my brain out in such a different way, could only do good things for me.

At one point something magical happened, I looked deep into my eyes in the mirror and for the first time since the stroke, I saw someone beautiful staring back at me, was it the light flush that was in my cheeks? Was it the challenge and the fact that I was doing it? Or was it the fact that I was facing my fear and uncertainty. Maybe it was because I wasreclaiming a favorite pasttime, or maybe I am still beautiful, I haven't allowed myself to see it.

Moral of the story: I'm totally going back and I'm gonna get all of those hard steps!

ABCs

Beware! I'm gonna hittin' ya'll with some technical stuff I've learned over the last year! So, this may get dry in some places..

As we all know I am in a bitter battle with my left arm& hand, Larry. I've just recently decided that if I can get the damn hand to open, just once that I will make tons of progress from there, because, it seems that once I master one physical feat, I can continue to improve on it. So, when the new semester started at the university's clinic, I told my new OT student, Molly that one of my goals was to open my hand..a VERY tall order! Let me tell you why, this what I've learned ao far; Function returns from the head down, big muscles first, small ones last, which is why my leg, who I have dubbed Lucinda, or lucy for short, came back relatively quickly and why my toes and fingers will take longer. many stroke survivors experience intense muscle tone in their affected limbs, this means in my asrm, the muscles pull in, bending my elbow into my body and closing my hand, the tone is so intense it is very difficult to fight against, to get the arm to straighten and fingers to open, because the muscles are so weak, they can't fight against the tone, this is why a lot of survivors get botox injections into the areas where they have the most tone and why I'm on muscle relaxors, the botox paralyzes the muscles that are pulling in, it only lasts for a few months, but that's long enough to try and communicate with the limb, I have tried to get botox and failed, funny, my insurance didn't approve it! I never in my life thought I'd be so desperste to get botox injections! So the trick is finding ways to decrease the tone so we can work with the hand. Because function comes from the head down we are currently working from the shoulder down, Molly'mantra is, "it all comes from the shoulder." Lately we've been working onstraightening my arm, something that is getting easier with each session, in order to do it, I have to take a depp exhale, as if I were in th gym, lifting a heavy weight. I feel very reassured by this progress because when I started walking in rehab I had to a similar exhale to get my leg to move forward, and now I don't have to work as hard.

Today's session with Molly was incredble! She is quite innovative and motivated to help me, I worked with her last sesmester when my student OT was unavaliable, at the time she was persuing s pediatric OT degree, she told mr recently that meeting me last semester changed her mind, thst she decided she wanted to work with adults because of me! What a compliment! Molly showed up at today's session with an aaptive device sh created that we can attach to Charlotte's stroller, making it easier for me to use it and it's an exercise for me to straighten my arm, Charlotte and I did a lap around the therapy room, it takes a large amount of concentration to get my arm to stay straight, so I felt great after completing my lap, keeping my arm straight the whole time, mostly.

Then Molly walked me up to a black board with the capital letters ABC and D written on it, she put a rag in my left hand and held it there, my task was to erase the letters, a scary idea and seemingly impossible, so Molly stood with me and held the rsg in my hand and guided my srms through the motions as I tried to move my arm myself. Now, my disconnect with my arm is so severe that when some one is guding my arm, as Molly was, and I'm trying to do it as well, I can't tell if I'm actually doing it or not, but I felt like I wad and Molly assured me I was, infact doing it myself!

Since working with Molly, I've gained so much control over my arm, I feel like I'm in the home strech! Jazz hands, here I come!

Better Woman

Yes, if you got Pearl Jam's Better Man in your head as a result of my title, that was my intent.

Over the course of this ordeal, I have come to discover that not only have I learned an incredible amount about myself I have also become a better person.
As I become more comfortable in my own skin, I'm finding I'm liking what I'm discovering about Liz 2.0 From the accounts of my family I am warmer and more open. I find I worry less and get upset about dumb stuff less frequently,  I am also mre forgivng and less jusgemental than I used to be which makes me calmer. I have always been incredibly inpatient, desiring instant gratification at all times, but having to wait for my body to come back online and finding that it's worth the wait has made me a more patient person

And as I navigate the world that is 1.5 year old temper tantrums. I'm finding my newfound patience comes in quite handy.

So the stroke granted Charlotte a more patient mother than she would have had.

You know , the best we can do with any crappy situation is allow it to turn us into better people, right?

Gone Fishin'

Ever year the Downtown Kalamazoo Retail and Restaurant Association hosts a Connecting with Customers conference, the businesses in the area are invited to have their staff attend the conference, to learn, expand and challenge their thinking on customer service and every year, the food co-op, where I am lucky enough to work, sends it's staff members, I jumped at the chance

This year they hosted an extraordinary conference about the Fish Philosophy of customer service.
Today's conference resonated with me for many reasons, and I'm going tell you about it!

I got up earlier than normal this morning, to ensure I had enough time to get ready( I was still late- which I hate!) I managed to frag myself out of bed without too much coaxing from the alarm clock, always an accomplishment, got dressed, then proceeded to wake my dead asleep toddler from her adorable slumber, administered some food, got her dressed and once I was done with all of that, it was time to leave, actually we should have left about three minutes earlier, Dressing Charlotte speedily is not my forte just yet, but all Matt had to do is slap some shoes on her and let the dog out, which is minimal for him, and I got him an extra five or ten minutes of sleep, so I felt very accomplished as we set out into the early morning.

As we drive towards my work, I am always excited, barely able to contain myself, this morning, I was bursting at the seams, geeked to be doing something different outside of my norm, I also have a passion for teaching excellent customer service, so I enjoy any new thoughts on the subject.

I got to work a few minutes late, grabbed a cup of coffee, to chase away my grogginess that was a result of getting up so early.

One of my co-workers gave me a ride to the event and as we drove over I sat in the back of her car, happy to be in the company of friends, excited to see even more buddies.

As my co-worker weaved her way through the labyrinth of the parking garage, I thought, " I miss doing stuff like this myself, I never thought this was something I would never do again( get a parking ticket, struggle to find a space, level after level)how much we take for granted!"
Ten, I caught myself,
"Dude, this is not something to be upset about, you are sitting in a car, with friends, not in a hospital with doctors, you are sitting here on a nice day, dipping a delicious, creamy, hot cup of coffee, you are alive, and you're about to do something new and exciting aaand some of your good friends are gnna be there!" i told myself

"Yeah! you know, you're right! I'm alive, it's all good." I responded.

So I walked into the conference with my head held high having successfully talked myself down off of a self-pity ledge

I immediately liked the presenter, she had a perky sense of humor and loves our town, which pretty much everyone does, seriously come and visit, it's awesome!

Now, the Fish! philosophy of customer service is based on the customer service practices of the fishmongers at the Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle, there are four basic philosophies, these are what caught my attention because all of these ideas are things I've had to purposefully incorporate into my life to get through this seemingly insurmountable challenge:

##1: Play: Have fun! bring a spirit of joy and innovation to what you do and the people you interact with.

When I was first released from the hospital it was very easy for me to sit on the couch and wallow in my misery, now that Charlotte is mobile and I am a tad more agile, fun has been creeping it's way back into my life and, guess what? I enjoy every day more! And I'm more enjoyable to be around.

#2Make Their Day: Find a way to make a positive impact on the people around you.

Well, I'm constantly trying to find ways to do this for Charlotte and Matt, because if they're happy, so am I! Everything works just a little better if both of them are happy.

Bet#3: Be There: I've blogged about this one before, really, it's about being present with what you're doing.

Since I've intentionally started being present in my life, I have found I get more enjoyment out of everything, Matt and I get along better, and my attention and cognition is better.

#4: (this is the big one)Choose your attitude: When this one popped up on the screen I screamed "YES!!" In my head. Everyday we have a choice, we can either be happy, pissed off, sad, or any other thing we decide, it's up to you.

I spent years walking into jobs with a shitty attitude, because I was young, didn't like one of my co-workers or the customers and on those days, my attitude just got worse, why? because I decided I was going to be annoyed by everything that day, so I was, no one could make me happy or convince me to behave otherwise. But since I made the decision to be happy everyday I am above ground, I don't have days like that anymore.

The basic wisdom I can impart from this is that any of these philosophies can help in your everyday life, and I can only hope that this blog helps people who may be going through something tough in their life, so here's my message on how to get through it: play, make their day, be there and choose your attitude.

At the end of it all, I felt ready to go, energized, happy to be alive and ecstatic to live in such a super community!



#3

Eureka!

Last night I had an epiphany, it came out of nowhere without anything triggering it, it just came to me pop! Into my head!

I've been spending soooo much time focusing on how different I am and how different things are now that it would just cause me to look at myself as abnormal, because I feel  abnormal, but last night, I realized THIS is, in fact, normal!And as soon as I start acting like it's normal, the sooner it will feel normal.

I've been so worried about what other people  think of me, obviously something is wrong with me, so they're going to stare and ask inappropriate questions, well, if I think that there's something wrong,then I will act like some thing is wrong, if I behave like everything is as it should be, then no one will question it.

Finally! Some clarity! Here's to my new normal, and I'm totally fine with it!

State of Mind

Since my release from the hospital, I've been searching for a good support group to join for stroke survivors, many years ago, when I quit smoking and drinking I had great success using an online support group, dailystrength.org, but the stroke survivor group on the site is very quiet, even when I attempted to get things going, the thing I liked the most about the support group was, I found that helping others mde my quit stronger, I wanted to practiced what I preached. So if I can help other people who are recovering from stroke by motivating them, letting the know that it gets better, maybe that will help my outlook on the whole thing.

I found a group on facebook for youngstroke survivors, something I was excited about. While the advice I've gotten from these people has been fantastic, I find the overall tone of the members is negative.

It seems that many of them are just plain old pissed off at life for doing this to them, now, I certainly understand the desire be angry, I am, I'm fucking pissed! But I would be short changing myself, Matt and Charlotte if I just sat around all day fuming at the injustice of it all.

I have a lot of life left to live and I intend to live it well, enjoying what I have, I fight everyday to have a good attitude, because I believe that can be the difference between recovery or standing still and if I have to live out my days with half a body then I'm goin to do it well!

Here's my point: I found a great support group at strokeboard.net, the people there want to help and all have great attitudes, I don't want to surround myself with people who are dumping all of their energy into being pissed off, life's too short for that shit

Finding My People

The thing I like the most about the new cOT clinic I'm going to through the university is the fact that every patient is a stroke survivor, so it's a very comfortable environment. It's so wonderful to be around people who know what I'm goin through and who don't stare at me and wonder. As a stroke survivor who has been open about my experiences I feel a great responsibility to other stroke survivors to give my support or a friendly smile or some words of wisdom, I feel the responsibility to lend my support to any and all stroke survivors and to raise awareness about stroke, because I really had no idea what damage stroke could cause.

Clues

Today at work my bossandI started working on a project I began months before my stroke, I was working on building a training passport for the store, The interesting about doing this I was looking at things I wrote down and worked on months ago, when my state of mind was much different, at time s it seems like I was leaving clues for myself littered across the store, which is surreal,sometimes it seems like a different person was doing all of that stuff, I feel so removed from who I was. It felt good to get back to this project becuse it requires that I use a part of my brain that I havent in awhile, the analytical, manager-y part, the part I like to use, it's so wonderful to pick up where I left off and to work on this with my boss like there's ni difference, it makes me feel that I'm not so dofferent from who I was after all. Also, I had lunch with some amazing women, my co-worker, a cancer survivor, who is probably the nicest person I've met in a long time, we understand each other, so it is nice to be with somone who has had an equally trandformative life experience and my frind, Sara and her daughters, I look up to Sara so much her kindness and easy going ness is a breath of fresh air and her daughters are freaking awesome, so smart and kind and open at this poit I've been working on piecing together my time in the ICU so I grill everyone for any information they can give me, because quite often it doesjog my memory. Also, my OT from my time in rehab, Erica, stopped by to see me, I missed her when I went back to visit, it was wonder ful to see her, she was the therapist I worked with the most and it was wonderful to see how happy shewas to see how well I am doing, it was quite reassuring to know my progress can make someone that ecstatic  and I think the biggest difference in me Erica saw is the fact thst I think I am starting to act like myself again, I not lost in the haze of the stroke anymore. It's strange to think that all of these people who have played such an important role in my life barely know who I am outside of strok-ey me. bu I think the light is starting to come back along with the spink and dorkiness!

Perspective

The thing I've learned the most through this experience is that how you deal with a life-altering event is really all a matter of persective; A few months agothe most common phrase that came out of my mouth was"Everything is a pain in the ass now." Not the best perspective on my situation, then one night a friend said something that altered how I view my new world. I was going out to a restaraunt with a couple of friends and after a slew of apologies for my slow pace, these aopologies are always greeted with a sifnificant eye roll from whatever friend it's directed at, because no one cares, except me, we got into the restaraunt and I began to maneuver around the chairs and cramped space and as she was moving a chair out of my way, my new friend said, "The world is just one big obstacle course for you now. And in that moment a light shone down on me from above and a choir of angels sang, eureka! now THAT'S the kind of attitude I want to have, yes! the world is one big obstacle course, kind of likrethose giant play sets on schoolyard playgrounds, as a result I've been looking at any particular challenge I face while moving around in my environment as a fun little game, a tire bridge to climb up and now the thing that seemed like pains are not as painful!

Back to the scene of the crime

I just got back from visiting Borgess Hospital, 3 West,  the rehab I was in directly after my stroke an d I feel elated. It was so wonderful too see the people who made  huge impact on my recovery and to see their faces when they saw me walking around, it'ss good to know, even in my post-stroke fog, I was able to make such an impression on these people. I also met a couple of patients  that are experiencing rehab now, onr patient was a young man, probably about my age, who was directed to this blog by my former R(Recreational therapist), Marsha. He was happy to meet me and seemed to have been helped by my writing. when I started this blog my intent was to find a way to process the myriad of emotions, and as I kept going and getting feedback, I realized that I could possibly help people by taslking about my experiences, but now I've seen face to face that I have helped someone and it feels great! so my message is the same as Jack Dawson's: never give up, Richard! Can't is a four letter word. At the end of our visit we went into my old room, now, I am a firm believer that we leave our energy behind us, and the crushing weight of the negative energy I left in that roomcame tumbling down on top of me as I entered. I felt the misery and hopelessness that I felt while I was there, but feeling those old feelings helped me to dsee how far I've come mentally. I no longer feel hopeless, I'm not pissed off at the universe anymore, it just has a tound about way of getting to the point and the trip reminded me of all of the important lessions I've learned as a result of this event. A blessin in disguise, truly.

And Another thing!

So, noe that I've had some sleep and some time to mull over my day at work yesterday, I am now ready ro process the events of the day. When I got there, I ws a littke teary-eyed, it was quite a momentus occasion. I was greeted by my boss with a big hug and happy faces from my other co-workers. The first phonr call I took, I was nervous that I sounded a littlt mentally slow, bu the person on the other end didn' seem to notice. I did, however, forget how to operate the phones and lost the call, bu remembered the caller's name so I could pass on the message that he had called. That is something I could not have done two months ago! I answered a fe moree phone questions, succesfully, that felt good, and my biggest succes of the day:  I kept two customer questions in my brain whilr looking into the answerf for them, that takes a high level of cognition, ladies and gents, I am now capable of multi-tasking again!And I stood for about 40 minutes straight! a physical accomplishment that doesn't sound like that big of a deal but when you consider the fact that six months ago I couldn't even stand for a minute without getting dizzy and naudeous, it's a pretty biug deal1 And, of course I was hard on myself becsause I can't move as fast as I used to asnf I'm not as proficient as I used to be, but I firmly believe that walking around the co-op, answering questions will only increase my cognitive ability and physical endyrabce further, plus working mskes me feel usefull, which is good for my mental state which I've discovered when my mental stateis good, I improve faster, the pwer of positive thinking works, people, I'm telling you! So I can't wait till next Wednesday to do it again!

;;sigh;;

So, apparently my attention to detail has not improved too much since I've managed to completely mess this blog up so people can't find it without realizing it. Needless to say, I'm a little frustrated by this turn of events since I've been feeling so great lately and this makes it apparent that I'm still just blindly doing thing without thinking about it or paying attention, but from here on out I Will be very attentive when ckiking around my blog site!

Day By Day

I've been working on reading one of Christopher Reeve's books, "Nothing is Impossible". I am now to the part of the book wher ehe talks about his recovery process, reading this book has been very inspirational for me, it reminds me that things could be worse, and the tone of the book is hopeful, reading about his recovery is opening my eyes to a truth that I've been forgetting, every small success is a step in the right direction, every time I get o the top of The Stairs is a victory, even something as small as moving my big toe on myleft side, which I did the other night,is some thing to be celebrated, my constant impatience has had me feeling that  Iam making no progress, because I am not better NOW and reading his book has made me see that with soem patience and determination there is n reason why I can't recover!I just have to take iot dtep by step and one day at  a time

Bored

 When Iwas a kid and  had to stay home from school my mom used to say that Iwould bore myself weel, you ssee, I',m not nor nor have I ever been a person who likes to stay at home doing nothing day after day after day, but that is pretty much what my days consist of right now, Atypical day for me right now is sitting on my couch, ewatchingThe West Wing and, of course, waging my war against my arch nemisis, The Stairs  Ikno, itsounds awful, but normally when I am participating in TV binge as epic as this, Iamcrochetingg my head off, but I'm a lefty and that's the side that doesn't work anymore.. At least if Could crochet I wouldn't feel so unproductive and useless and isolated. I feel very cut off from society rtightnow, but  Ithink that I am now bored enough to be cured, The thing that keeps me going s this blog, it helps me feel like I  Accomplished something for the day  And Iytuly believe it helps my recovery, so thsnks for reading, yall!

Fear

Inthe last week I have developed completely irrational and ridiculous fear of the stairs in my house, this is incredibly frustrating and discouraging because for weeks now I've been climbing and walking past the top of the stairs with no problem I live in a tri-level home so in order to get up to my room I have to climb three small sets of stairs, about 14 steps in all, I haven't had an issue with doing this up til now, in fact, it's been going really we,  the problem is this:there are only rails on the left side of the stairs, obviously that is not the best set up for me, so
Ih ave to go up the stairs sideways, I hold onto the Bannister with my right hand,use my strong right leg to lift myself and my left leg onto the next stair up, oh and I have to make sure my cane gets up the stairs with me whever I encounter the stairs Iget nauseous, dizzy and lightheaded, this fear is quickly becoming almost crippling, I spent all day yesterday, being anxious about having to deal with the stairs, and let me tell that is exhausting, so today I've decided to enjoy my day and to not worry about the stairs and to conquer them today, so I don't have to deal with this fear anymore!

Progress

y marks my three month strokiversary, so Ithought I'd give myself a little progress report to help myself see howfar I've come in three months. While I know that I've made great leaps and strides over the last few months, the progress is slow and hard to see when you are living it
-When I first started inpatient rehab about two and a half months ago Couldn't sit up straight or look anyone directly in the eyes, now i' going up and down the stairs multiple times a day
-when Istarted rehab Icould barely move myleft leg, in order yo get it to move Ihad to exhale like I was lifting a heavy weight just to get it to move, now it listens to me and moves easily, most of the time, three months ago I could barely do simple math, now I am able to do it relatively easily when my speech therapist asks me toWhen I started this blog I had very hard time typing, let alone remembering to hit the space bar, now, Ia a now ablem male to stay foused on the task at hand and check my spelling before posting, so Imust say, I think things are going pretty well, even though I may have bad day once in awhile

About me!

As I was lying in bed last night, it occurred to me that there are many people who read this blog who don't know much about me, while I enjoy sharing my journey, with all of you,  I thought I'd give you a littl peak at me!Iam 33 years old, born and raised in Michiga, although Ispen most of my 20s moving around from NewHaven, CT to Manhattan, to Minneapolis, MN And back here, to Kalamazoo, MI, yes there really is a Kalamazoo, Itend to be boistrous and outspoken, I love to be the center of attention, which is why Imajored in theatre performance in college.Myfavorite things include: old movie musicals especiall if they faeture Gene kelly or Judy Garland, I am a Revolutionary War buff, an think John Adams was probablt the coolest person to ever have livedMy favorite musician isErinMKeown and, let me tellyou, if you like quirky, brilliant and super cool femalr singer/songwriters, check her out!Any questions?

Chch-changes

Today I thought I'd write about how different things are for me as a result of the stroke Now, I know some of my therapistsread this, so please feel free to correct any misinformation I put out there, iIt think the biggest difference I notice the most everyday is my focus and attention. I essentially now have the attention span of a sugared up  five year old boy, the tiniest little thing can distract me from whatever
I am doing That is why this blog is such a good  exeexercise for me, It takes a lot of focus for me to type one of these bad boys up and to re check for spelling an punctuation errors, I can only hope keeping this blog up is improving my cognition, I am usually exhausted by the time I am done writing and rechecking, but I feel like I've accomplished something great when I am done